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Q & A.

I worked for a CEO once that really leaned into this. We would Q(ueue) outside his office, and when he was ready, he would deliver the A(nswer) - Q&A.

When he spoke about alignment, it really was get-in-line-ment. A better word would have been compliance, but it would imply that we believed that he wasn’t in tune with the latest and greatest management theories..and we could never question that.

Before being too critical, in years gone by, leadership has absolutely been defined by the ability to provide single solution answers – quickly and confidently – and it served organizations well. The “Genius with a thousand helpers” model, as made famous by Jim Collins in Good to Great, used Lee Iacocca (Chrysler’s (in)famous former CEO as a prime example - and Collins still rated him as a Level 4 leader. (5 being the highest.)

So of course there is a place for decisive leadership. President Truman famously had a sign on his desk “The Buck stops here” that accepts the weight of being the final decision maker.

But being the decision maker is not being the Great Answer Generator.(GAG?)

Leaders can fall into this trap, mistaking speed for clarity and decisiveness for accuracy. Our world has become too complicated, too interdependent of many variables that, short of a heavenly revelation, no senior leader can confidently claim to hold the key to every issue that comes across her desk.

Leaders often fail to grasp that the risk is not being wrong. Well executed, the 3rd  or 4th best choice can still be better than a lacklustre effort made with the ‘right’ choice. The problem is that you lose credibility by claiming to have the Ultimate Insight, even when you are 100% right! Boomers and X’s, from a more hierarchical and obedient age, may still accept and execute, but good luck with the Gen Z’s. This generation cares less about the answers – they are all about the why.

You may be familiar with the 5 Why process as a root cause analysis tool. When something goes wrong, the first answer is not accepted but rather interrogated 5 times to get to the underlying root cause. The goal is to understand why the standardized system failed, and to improve the system to ensure 100% repeatability in output.

Gen Z also asks why 5 times, but a different why: Why are we doing this at all? Why must it be the same every time? Why Why Why?

And that can be annoying as hell to the elders.

Suggested action? Beat them to it. Become the inquisitive leader.

Ask why before they do – and like you mean it sincerely. Be really curious about their thinking, not their answer, not even the question they present. “What were you thinking” oddly enough, always has a negative ring to it – it’s time we change that. Put on your Curious Coach hat and backtrack mentally with them. Help them figure out where they were when the thought first occurred. And then what did you think? And then? And then? If they know that their Mental Value Stream Map will be interrogated more than the option they present for approval, the quality of their critical thinking will improve exponentially.

Your main job? Listen 90%, ask 10%. Not being interrupted is great but knowing that you won’t be interrupted is a gift on a different level! This allows your young apprentice’s mind to wander, and wonder – how did I get here? Where am I going?

If you can check your Answer at the door, you may be amazed what others come up with - become the Great Question Generator for your team. 

Today, if you didn’t know, is International Mental Health Awareness Day. On a day like this we typically focus on mental health struggles like anxiety and depression, but I’d like to swing the conversation around.

If your mental health is great, I’d like to challenge you to level up and go beyond just a mental HEALTH mindset, to a mental Wealth mindset. In a way, think of mental health not as a state of mind, but rather an exchangeable commodity.

Now one of the main attributes of a “wealth commodity” is that it can be re-invested. If you have been genetically and relationally blessed with great mental health, and have worked hard to develop resilience and other stress management abilities – why not invest this extra mental wealth of yours into others?  

There’s this well known popular psychology book from the 60’s called I’m OK, You’re OK but nowadays it seems that we’ve become so self focussed that it’s more a case of I’m OK, I’m OK and as long as that’s the case, it’s All OK. But I meant this is no way to live right?

Why not read up and equip yourself with knowledge so that you can help others? If I may point you in a direction – rather than Google some obscure mental illness that no one’s heard of, go read up about anxiety in younger generations – it’s a mental health crisis that’s having a massive impact in society. YOU can create GENERATIONAL wealth if you willing to come alongside these young people, help figure out what stresses them out, and help them find their way to calmer waters.

The band U2 has this song called One, you would have heard it somewhere, that goes “we are one, but we’re not the same, we have to carry each other, carry each other,” but only later I saw that it actually says ‘we GET to carry each other” as in it’s a privilege, not just an obligation.

SO! Sharing is caring, tomorrow go spread some of your mental wealth around. You never know when you will need someone to make an investment in you too..

(Wo)Man in the Middle

Below a direct quote from Radical Candour by Kim Scott. In discussing the various ways of dealing with conflict within a team, she writes the following:

“When Steve Jobs was a kid, his neighbour showed him a rock tumbler – a can spun by a motor. The neighbour asked Steve to gather up some ordinary rocks from the yard. He took the stones, threw them in the can, added some grit, turned on the motor, and, over the racket, asked Steve to come back in two days. When Steve returned, he turned off the motor and Steve was astounded to see how the ordinary rocks had become beautifully polished stones. Steve would later say that when a team debated, both the ideas and the people became more beautiful – results well worth all the friction and noise”

Steve Jobs was a notoriously high-conflict person so that makes sense that he would promote this approach. And this is fine, but note what neither Steve nor the author (who is an experienced coach) focussed on: Can you spot it?  

The grit. Without the grit, it doesn’t work.

Grit is a fascinating, high tech industry. Most of you will be familiar with different grit sandpaper for instance, but it is usually a paste with a wide range of industrial applications. For rock grinding, the Rock Art Society (Not kidding) says "Rock polishing is an art, and like any craft, it rewards careful observation and a bit of trial and error." Also, “ It also crucial to introduce the right type of grit at the right stage in the process.”

But of course the word Grit also has another meaning. The dictionary definition calls it  courage and resolve; strength of character,  but the psychologist Angela Duckworth in her book titled “Grit” summarizes it as having “Passion and Perseverance for long term goals.”

In her book she focussed on personal success, but what if you demonstrated Passion & Perseverance as a leader for your people = People-Grit.

Forming and shaping rocks into shiny rock-stars..

This will not be glamourous or sexy -  the focus is not on you; you are just the middle (wo)man.  You will need to be a grit-plomat – coming in between team members, sculpting, forming, translating, smoothing over, changing tact, getting your grit-timing right. Remembering that Duckworth’s passion, in the original Greek, means ‘suffering’ – and be willing to persevere until the results finally show.

A few questions and comments to help you get the ball (or rocks) rolling:

1)      See potential – Jobs was instructed to pick up ordinary rocks, but he still had to see the potential: can you? When last did you think about your team’s  potential?

2)      Get the right drum – a venue in which everyone is comfortable, or perhaps ready to be uncomfortable is crucial – don’t just pick the closest meeting room, think..

3)      How many rocks do you load in the drum? The team size for ‘optimal friction’? You need to know your rocks – not all rocks are change-ready. Give them time.

4)      It’s a dirty business – all the rock dust and grime sticks to the grit – are you e(go)motionally ready to absorb the crap coming your way? Are you sure?

5)      It’s noisy business: The neighbour asked Steve ‘over the racket’ – will your team be willing to listen to you as a mediator/coach? Do they understand your role?

6)      You need to be engaged all the time – no stepping out to let the kids fight amongst themselves for a while. Keep your focus. It’s only done when it’s done.

7)      You will be spread thin – the grit is a small percentage that gets into every nook and cranny. It will be hard: make sure you look after your own emotional health.

8)      You need to be spread equally – you cannot play favourites. Probably the hardest challenge: You may resonate with some ideas, but you must remain independent

9)      You need to be willing to change grit when the time is right – once you have sanded down the rough edges you need to get to the nitty gritty (!) details.

10) You need to know when to stop. The principle of good enough applies – at some point you need to rock & roll (lame, I know) and get back out into the real world.

11) Remember to enjoy the results. Praise your people for their willingness to stay in the tumbler and shape each other. Pat yourself on your (weary) back too.

As a leader, you will shape people more than you could possibly imagine in the moment. But do not forget the incredible potential of the rest of the team to bring out the best in each other – if you steer the process well. Let the people say, “We did it ourselves!”

And then just smile.

I want to help you execute your dreams.

But I mean this in two ways: Either do ‘em, or kill ‘em.

If you are like most people you have a lot of “ag” dreams: “Ag I’d like to one day maybe”, "Ag maybe I can" 

Those take up a lot of time daydreaming and scrolling and boring your spouse with your Pinterest Boards but these just distract you from your “Have to” dreams. The weird thing is that these are often the ones we hide from people. They are too big and bold, people will laugh at you or even worse, feel sorry for you. But they just wont go away...

So THIS WEEK to take an A4 and make two lists: Do IT and Kill It. But there isn’t a column in the middle ..

Then say goodbye to the Kill List. Delete that Pinterest Board or lose that girl's telephone number – whatever you need to do. It's even OK to mourn some of them because they have been around for many years, but look them in the eye, say goodbye, and put them out of their misery.

THEN we can take the short list of dreams that refuse to go away and really, really get stuck into them.  You owe it to yourself and the world to turn your Dreams into Do’s

I’m not going to give you the 5-step plan to success- your dreams are as unique as you are and there just isn’t a recipe. BUT! What a good coach can offer you is a thinking framework. Now this is not a 5 step or paint-by-numbers plan. Think of it more as a trellis in your garden into which you weave this vine, or creeper.  It's organic and unique, but this thinking framework trellis supports it and gives it shape rather it being all over the show.

If you’ve reached that point where your family or colleagues can’t stomach another round of “One day I think I’d like to maybe” from you then set up an appointment so we can drag your dreams across the line. (kicking and screaming if we have to!) Remember - Martin Luther King did the “I have a Dream” thing - you only have the “I have a Plan” option.

Then actually DO IT.

From Nowhere, to NowHere, to Now-Where?

Sometimes, we all just feel lost. A defeated, panicked “I’m just nowhere!” sums it up.

Is it important to know where you are? I think so. Allow me to be philosophical for a moment.

On the one hand, it is important to remember that you are, indeed, in the middle of nowhere. If location is defined by time and space, the observable universe extends 37,5 billion lightyears in any direction.

Hallo, dot.

There is a wonderful saying: “Man must have two stones in his pockets – ‘for me the world was made’, and the other ‘I am but dust’ Recognizing that your issues are, in the greater scheme of things, literally negligible is sometimes really important to just settle things down first. On the other hand – they are still important to me, and I can’t deny their impact on my body, mind and soul.

As a coach, helping a client to just slow down the spin is crucial. The world feels like it’s spinning out of control, but truth be told - your mind is putting its own spin on it, making it far worse. Frequently the mental and emotional interpretation you have of actual events paint a far worse picture, and the coach helps the client to extract the real from the imaginary issues. We all have a negativity bias – which was critical when our forefathers survived on the African plains and every bump was either an anthill or a crouching lion – but one should guard again catastrophizing: Right-size your issue before tackling it.

I would suggest this can move us from No-Where to Now-Here: I may still feel completely overwhelmed, but at least the coach and I have clarified the actual issue and commit to keeping beating back the imaginary ones.

So where are you? There is a physical dimension linked to your environment: While all psychology and coaching disciplines insist that the individual can significantly influence their internal experience of events, the fact remains that one’s environment still counts. Unless you are intent on completely detaching yourself from external influences, take the time to look around: Am I still in the right place? Do I understand the demands it makes on me? What has changed, or will never change?

In the famous poem used by Alcoholics Anonymous: Lord help me change what I can, accept what I can’t and the wisdom to know the difference. The coach leans into this dilemma with a sympathetic but practical framework. This assists the client in making the decision-list while still insisting that she is the expert on her own life: She will need to discern, with wisdom, what must be accepted, and what must be changed. Only then can the coach engage,  encourage and plot a practical path forward with the client.

Which then leaves us with the internal environment – can you locate your core, innermost thoughts within the noise and fury of the hurricane in your mind? The eye of the storm is actually perfectly quiet, with everything else swirling around the centre – but you need to get through the outer layers first. Using another metaphor, it’s a bit like peeling back an onion. Yes, you will get to the core, but you will shed a few tears during the process – it can be tough going. The coach will help you to keep going, hacking your way through your overgrown mental jungle to expose the actual underlying issue.

If you are now reasonably sure you are NowHere, then NowWhere? Do you have an outcome in mind? Can you clearly describe?  Frequently we are very clear on what we DON’T want, but very unclear of what exactly we DO want. A wonderful quote from Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Caroll underscores how important this aspect is. When Alice came to a fork in the road she asked the cat:

Alice: “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

The Cheshire Cat: “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”

Alice: “I don’t much care where…”

 The Cheshire Cat: “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

This is perhaps where I can highlight one difference between coaching and therapy – therapy ensures that you are OK, but coaching wants more. A good coach, whether professional or sports, will find the balance between encouraging you to find your own way, at your own pace, and unapologetically demanding more. This is what you are paying me to help you do: Clarify what you want, map the path there, go. Don’t waste my and your time (and your money) to putter around with a half-hearted ‘but I tried’: You owe yourself an all-in, committed effort: You need to see coaching as a life changing event, not a patch job to keep going from nowhere to nowhere.

Archimedes  famously said, “Give me a lever and a place to stand and I will move the world.” Once we figured out where you are, we have a solid place from where to use coaching as a lever to move your world – why would you want to stay stuck where you are?

Are you thinking Well?

Critical Thinking. It separates us from the animals, but only if we do it well - Thinking outside the binary categories of simple right or wrong, win or lose to the ultimate question:  Is it Wise?

Philosophy ('love of wisdom' in Ancient Greek) is a systematic study of general and fundamental questions concerning topics like existence, reason, knowledge, value, mind, and language. It is a rational and critical inquiry that reflects on its methods and assumptions.  French philosopher Rene Descartes famously coined the Latin phrase Cogito, Ergo Sum        ("I think, Therefor I am.") way back in 1630. We now live in an AI age in which the very nature of what it means to be human is under review. 

What still constitutes human 'thinking'? 

Can we compete with an algorithm eloquently articulating our thoughts, based not only our own preferences, but also  including a wide range of our historic information?  Descartes may hold the key through a final amendment to his statement shortly before his death. Dubito, Ergo Cogito, Ergo Sum - I Doubt, Therefor I think, Therefor I am.  Our ability to Doubt, to review our own firmly held truths; to interrogate ideas and information will be key in the Age of AI.

Coaching is about asking the right questions 

Not the obvious or immediate, driven by tasks and expectations of others, but rather the unspoken, hidden layers of thought that only surface through careful exploration and excavation.  Finding a coach that can be a thought-partner, a guide and fellow traveller that comes alongside the client in a comfortable, yet challenging way is crucial. Clients can get a sense of who the coach is through a number of VLOGS on this site, but an in person or One-on-One Online session will give the client, as well as the coach, comfort that the combination would be an optimal fit for the client's needs.